Firecrackers, New Year and Legal Greetings

Years back, I can’t understand adults who can’t understand us young ones setting off firecrackers left and right. These old people are killjoys, I thought.

Exploding firecrackers wasn’t even about driving out the bad spirits. It’s simply shock and awe, pretty much like those boys sent out by the US to war. As stupid as it may sound stupid, but the louder the explosion, the better. Back in high school, and I would like to believe that high school wasn’t so long ago, I would save the entire year to purchase firecrackers, and not merely fireworks. Fireworks are for sissies, I thought.

There’s nothing really spectacular with exploding firecrackers alone. It’s the sense of competition that makes it more exciting. Yes, competition. I knew who in the immediate surroundings would stockpile firecrackers for the new year. The first salvos are like exploratory shots, testing the strength of the competitors’ arsenal. You answer the other camp’s explosion with a louder one, pacing yourself so you won’t run out of ammo before your “competitor.” The explosions start far in between, with the less powerful firecrackers going out first. Then, as midnight nears, the explosions becomes louder and more successive. It’s like foreplay, I thought.

Firecrackers are, of course, dangerous. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. My battle scars, so to speak, are scorched eyebrows and eyelashes. Fortunately, eyebrows grow back, but others had — and will — find out the hard way that fingers and hands don’t. Mix firecrackers with liquor and you’ll have a disastrous ending — the cigarette you use to light the firecracker gets thrown out instead of the lighted firecracker. You can guess what happens next.

Now, as I’m surrounded by explosions even way before the New Year midnight, I’m beginning to understand how my elders felt way back then: If it’s too loud, you’re too old.

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More creative legal wishes for the New Year:

May the god of Civil Law perfect you upon consent. May the god of Criminal Law bless you with exempting circumstances for every sin you commit. May the god of Labor Law give you premium pay for all your extra efforts. May the god of taxation never tax you beyond your capacity. May the god of Mercantile Law never restrictively endorse you. May the god of Political Law never deny you due process and may the god of Remedial Law never let you run out of remedies for every cause of action that you may have. And may the god of Legal Ethics be your guide in all your actions. A blessed New year to you and your family.

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WHEREFORE, premises considered, on this New Year’s Day, this court finds you and your family the beneficiaries of Christ’s bountiful blessings, and hereby sentence you to a LIFETIME of graces and prosperity! This order is final and executory. SO

ORDERED.
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Happy New Year, everyone!

One comment

  1. atty. fred.
    your legal wishes are well-taken and much appreciated – kahit march 5 na ngayon.
    you are always a good read!
    more power!

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